Given that the much-trumpeted ‘game-changer’ of a radical proposal to announce a new federal Britain seems to have fizzled out in the wake of a generalised incompetence, and some tricky legal problems, here’s a few handy hints about what might work to help ‘save the Union’ (we’ve only 11 days!!!!):
1) An Ebola scare in Glasgow. Clear the area, call the whole thing off. Level 12 at COBRA, that kind of thing. The sort of situation that’s so serious they bring Danny Alexander in to sort it out.
2) Kate Middleton announces her second pregnancy. The referendum could be flooded out by earnest discussion about reuseable nappies and polka dot baby-gros.
3) Bring in Rory the Tory. He could quickly organise a grassroots network of flaming torches on every hill in Scotland to show everyone how much people love the Jocks.
4) Douglas Alexander and Gordon Brown could co-write a strongly worded pamphlet with a picture of them both looking serious on the front cover, and reminding everyone that they are both, in a very real sense, Sons of the Manse. Hashtag = #hugeintellects
5) Tasers at the polling stations. Look, it could get REALLY DIVISIVE, best if anyone with a suspicious looking Yes badge gets tasered on sight.