This weeks Hysterical Neighbours Prize is a three-way draw. First-up is the former Sun editor Kelvin Mackenzie who managed a spluttering:
“Without the clever and wealth-creating southerners, this country would be Greece without the sunshine. The stats are simply astonishing. While the 2.6m taxpayers of Jockestan paid £11.3bn in income tax in 2011-12, the 8.4m clever clogs in London and the south east coughed up £64.3bn…So I am adopting the slogan ‘no taxation without representation’, first used in the 1750s by angry colonists in America” before adding “Take the SNP . I’m so old I can remember when Alex Salmond and his party were just a bunch of nutters wandering the back streets of Glasgow.”
I think he might be confusing them with someone else?
Finally he added combining a glorious riot of racism: “Get those Libyan people smugglers to bring their boats to the Thames and we will load up all the Jocks and drop them off in Edinburgh” and talking of the McBoat people.
It’s a good effort from Kelvin but we feel he’ll have to do better.
Over at the reliably hilarious CapX site, Gerald Warner is unmuzzled for some serious Jock-Bashing (‘The SNP is now a mystic cult wholly divorced from reality’).
Renewables targets are ‘crazed’ we’re told and:
“The bulk of the Scottish electorate has lost contact with reality. Moronic socialist delusion is the blind faith of a political party that is unique in the developed world – the poorest Albanian peasant would laugh like a drain at the socialist fantasies that are routinely rehearsed at Scottish middle-class dinner tables where the state-employed nomenklatura congregates.”
Frothing into full-stride now, Warner explodes: “What if their nihilist policies so appalled the English that Scottish separatism became a more popular option south of the Border than north of it? Might the next referendum be one held within the non-Scottish UK electorate, desperate to unshackle their three countries from the dictatorship of Scottish Stalinists?”
What indeed Gerald?
But at least Warner and his CapX chums are in control of their faculties. Poor Geoffrey Wheatcroft is being turned into an English nationalist against his wishes.
He’s a true democrat mind but (and boasts) that the electoral system for Holyrood “was designed with the utmost ingenuity to ensure that no party in general, and the SNP in particular, could gain a parliamentary majority there.”
He’s right about Evel though.
“Cameron offered Evel as a sop, evidently without giving the matter any serious thought. In truth, it’s no answer since it is fraught with difficulty. As Gladstone realised at the time of the 1893 second home rule bill for Ireland, when it was proposed that the remaining Irish MPs at Westminster would only be able to vote on questions of Irish concern, to have two classes of MPs could mean that an administration had a Commons majority for some purposes, but not for others, destroying the basis of parliamentary government.”
Clearly struggling though with the prospect of an outbreak of Unionist democracy he admits: “Not everybody noticed that at the last election the Tories won a parliamentary majority – in England – and they may do so again. But Sturgeon says she will lock them out of office. In the 1980s it was claimed with some plausibility that it was unjust for Scotland to be ruled by a government for which most of its people hadn’t voted. How much worse will it be if that happens to England?”
Much worse Geoffrey, much much worse.
Not one for complexity he gleefully notes that the Tories may have a majority in England, but seems balefully unaware of the fact that we may be returning to sub-Panda politics in Scotland.
In short: if we elect your government then, who cares. If you influence ours it’s a catastrophe. Innit?
Geoffrey wins this weeks Hysterical Neighbours prize. The ceremony is in 9 days time.